i admit i'm still battling over this. depression, where i feel like nothing can actually fill that empty space and that something is missing like i always perceive a lack of meaning in my life maybe because of traumas i had from previous relationships.

thinking what if i did this or i didn’t do that or am i not just good enough to them?! i am just so sad… but i’m not going to kill myself or anything i’ll be celebrating my birthday today so definitely not. ahaha. please bear with me because i don’t have someone to talk to about what i really felt inside.

recently i met someone, we kinda just hit it off. him with his often off-color jock banter and me with my sardonic comments. he is articulate and annoyingly happy all the time but he has this... he has the best heart.

it was awesomely fun talking, laughing and playing with him. there is no time wasted when you are talking to him. not a damn minute wasted. bizarre... but honestly in a little time we spent, i did not expect that person would brought me to change something to myself.

that after all the emptiness i felt inside... i can be whole. he gave me happiness within numbered days. we have something that can't be seen every day and i'm glad it's ours. it's just a matter of time. i cannot tell him how thankful i am for that.

so i guess that's it. cheers self.